One person's classroom – esap~!
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One person's classroom

Notice before you read
This is the self-talk of a depressed person
It may be too childish and make you feel embarrassed


I forget when I was diagnosed with depression
All I remember is that 1548 has been with me ever since
Until 1548 took my place
She's gonna replace me eventually
–AptS:1547

我有抑郁症

Text translation: I have depression

The source of everything. Depression

Depression: During a depressive episode, a person experiences a depressed mood (feeling sad, irritable, empty). They may feel a loss of pleasure or interest in activities. Depression can cause difficulties in all aspects of life, including in the community and at home, work and school. A depressive episode can be categorized as mild, moderate, or severe depending on the number and severity of symptoms, as well as the impact on the individual’s functioning.
Extracted from the World Health Organization

I have already experienced suicide behavior. Inferiority complex, pain, pessimism, and pessimism, constantly hitting me hard

One person's classroom

02023/10/19 11:20Z, depressive episode, unknown cause.
In order to escape depression symptoms such as chest tightness and shortness of breath, I went to the water room across the classroom wall by myself

At first, it was OK. I did my homework outside very seriously. I even finished my math
Until, sudden acute stress reaction

Inferiority, pain, pessimism, world-weariness. These four feelings continued to impact my brain, pessimism continues to surge in my heart, like a heavy weight constantly oppress my body, so that I could not breathe, falling... Keep falling
I began to cry, crying for no reason, hating the whole world, no matter how beautiful it once seemed
I was surrounded by depression

02023/10/19 13:25Z, depression reached its peak, I showed self-harm behavior, and constantly attacked the wall with my arms
Finally, in a burst of "damn" rage, I fell to my knees and fell down

This is my classroom, this is my classroom to vent

One person's classroom, but no longer one person

02023/10/19 13:35Z, I was discovered by APTX4869 

Although APTX4869 was in front of me, I tried to drive him away because 1548 was standing right behind her
And right now, all I want to do is talk to 1548
After 4869 had gone, 1548 sat down beside me as usual, resting his head on my shoulder
"There you go again, boy."
"But I can't tolerate you this time. If you don't get back to normal, I really have to take over your life."
"But I can't tolerate you this time. If you don't get back to normal, I really have to take over your life."
S**t, I really don't want to hear that again
"You need to think about your purpose for creating ESAP and AptS, instead of wasting your life in self-blame and pain."
"Just like 4869, there are still people in the world who will care about you, even though you are terrible."
"I don't want to say too much, it's all been said before, I don't know how you are, but..."
"All right, give me another day to adjust. DO NOT MANIPULATE ME."
"... Okay, don't manipulate you, but don't do this anymore. Your pain is reflected in my body, and I can only do this."
I slowly stood up and looked at my hands, which have been cold hands
1548 also stood up, and she seemed to be waiting for a word...
"May AptS be with you" "May ESAP be with you"
She slowly walked outside, disappearing out of my view and ending our conversation
And now I just want to let this already cold hands into the pocket, back to that warm place
One person's classroom, but no longer one person

One person's classroom, again

02023/10/20 08:45Z, 1547 ran to the top floor of the teaching building

In fact, the school is quite good, there are many small places where I can be alone
Look, the small space next to the toilet on the sixth floor, too wonderful Litang, outside is farmland, and the wind is strong
Maybe I just like nature, I think
"In this era of high modernization, I really can't stay for a moment!"
I can't believe I'm smiling when I say that
But anyway, this is my classroom, the classroom to get out of depression

May there be no insurmountable diseases in the world, and may ESAP be with you

This article was edited on October 20, 2023

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AptS:1547

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This is AptS:1547! Hope to bring you happiness!

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esap~!

One person's classroom
You know, when a depressive episode happens... How's it going? This is a self-talk from a depressed person, me
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2023-10-20